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Okay, first of all, I'm not a specialist or anything in this field. Everything was based on my own experiences. I was self-diagnosed with a lot of online test for GAD, so I might be wrong. lol
But the point is all the indicators lead to Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). So let just say that I really do have GAD.
So GAD is basically a form of anxiety disorder where you feel exessive often irrationally worries and anxiety about events or activities (thanks wikipedia). Sometimes you can't even explain why you feel worry or anxious in the first place. And sometimes they were only some simple trivial matters. Only after you passed through them all you realize how stupid your worries really were. And there's also time when you worry about being worried. Sounds like hell, right?
So GAD is basically a form of anxiety disorder where you feel exessive often irrationally worries and anxiety about events or activities (thanks wikipedia). Sometimes you can't even explain why you feel worry or anxious in the first place. And sometimes they were only some simple trivial matters. Only after you passed through them all you realize how stupid your worries really were. And there's also time when you worry about being worried. Sounds like hell, right?
And without further explanation, these are some factors which indicated I have GAD.
Excess worry and anxiety. Before I explain further, I want to clarify the difference between worry and anxiety. They could relate to each other, but while worry stays more in our head, anxiety affects our head and body (like trembled body, feeling numb, feeling cold, exhausted, and so on). While worry is more temporary, anxiety would stay with you for quite a long time. (Source: Psychology Today)
So in my case, I was anxious all the time and I worry over every little things. For example I would rather not directly open my messengers app because I was afraid to reply to someone else' text. Which was stupid because I didn't even know the contents of their message. I was so anxious that I would make mistakes while replying to their text. And I feel bad and I'm sorry for that. And also, I'm afraid of phone call. I won't even pick it up if I could help it. I was under the impression that a phone call was the source of evil which would only brought bad news. In other sense, I'm just afraid of the form of the communication itself, either verbally or writtenly. Now you see what anxiety could turn you into.
Over thinking. It somehow could be frightening how my train of thought could jump from one simple thing to the worst turn of event. I always imagine how my stupid carelessness could lead to a disaster of the world. Well, that's a bit exagerrating. I know that these things just were in my head. But sadly it was hard to convince myself to believe so. And the worst part of it is, how my overthinking would even haunt me to my slumber.
Procrastination. I'm a chronic procrastinator. Lately I've been thinking that procrastination may be like a self-defense mechanism againts our excessive worry and overthinking. The things about anxiety, when you were faced with problems or new job or task, you'd start worrying about every little detail and overthhinking stuff which led you to do basically nothing. You're just way too busy worrying and overthinking stuff that you ended procrastinate and prolong your work because you wish to be perfect and by the time you met the deadline the panic took control and you're doomed. And the hellish cycle just go on forever and after. So much for the bad ending.
Feeling exhausted. Whether I slept for 2 hours or 8 hours I felt the same. I was constantly exhausted physically and emotionally all the time no matter how much the works I had to do. Don't even mention about going around or hanging out with friends, I was too tired to leave my bed because after works I just passed out. That's why I insisted to not go anywhere and stay at home having my me time (basically I just read) during weekends. I need some recharging before I start another week of works and stress and anxiety. I freaking need holidays. No, I just freking need to not have anxiety in the first place.
And those are the reason I could come out with which lead me to GAD. I'm sorry about my half-assed explanation. I think I'm gonna edit this post in the near future, someday. Sure, one day. Thank you for reading this.
Procrastination. I'm a chronic procrastinator. Lately I've been thinking that procrastination may be like a self-defense mechanism againts our excessive worry and overthinking. The things about anxiety, when you were faced with problems or new job or task, you'd start worrying about every little detail and overthhinking stuff which led you to do basically nothing. You're just way too busy worrying and overthinking stuff that you ended procrastinate and prolong your work because you wish to be perfect and by the time you met the deadline the panic took control and you're doomed. And the hellish cycle just go on forever and after. So much for the bad ending.
Feeling exhausted. Whether I slept for 2 hours or 8 hours I felt the same. I was constantly exhausted physically and emotionally all the time no matter how much the works I had to do. Don't even mention about going around or hanging out with friends, I was too tired to leave my bed because after works I just passed out. That's why I insisted to not go anywhere and stay at home having my me time (basically I just read) during weekends. I need some recharging before I start another week of works and stress and anxiety. I freaking need holidays. No, I just freking need to not have anxiety in the first place.
And those are the reason I could come out with which lead me to GAD. I'm sorry about my half-assed explanation. I think I'm gonna edit this post in the near future, someday. Sure, one day. Thank you for reading this.
