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| It is just what it is. Image Source: COP Distribution |
I’m
doomed.
And
that’s it.
I’m
pretty much a goner now. I mean, what the point of writing that 22th note back
then? What the point of writing all the stuff about giving up, letting go, and
healing, and all those craps about moving on if just one single ‘like’ would
destroy all of my ‘moving on’ campaign? Isn’t that a little bit too much?
I
should have just started falling in love or started new relationship or
whatever. But no, I was too comfortable with the void pace that I don’t even feel
like starting anything. Not that I think that I’m capable of doing so. How do I
get rid of this feeling again? Cover it?
They
said that when you were broken hearted you just have to give yourself some time
and sense every pain you’re supposed to sense until they all become less and
less painful, till you feel nothing at all. But I’m not even broken hearted.
No,
this is not right at all.
I’m such an idiot.
There’s no one to blame but myself now. I never
expected a respond, though I did want to leave a message. And it was such a
trivial thing too.
I covered Afterglow by Taylor Swift. The idea is
simply because I love the song (and Cruel Summer was beyond my league), and
because I know that all my friends were on this a lot since they’ve
started family, and also I want to say sorry to everyone for everything.
Who would have thought that he, all of people would
like it.
I shouldn’t think too much. It was nothing at all,
might be a coincidence, there’s no meaning behind it. Ignorance sure is bliss.
My phone has been broken for months, and all I have
just the midnight internet, and I don’t even use it that much since I can’t
fight the sleep. So this morning when I checked instagram on my lepto, I yelled
and startled my colleagues. Unable to suppress my feelings I just closed the
leptop just like that.
Dear me, it was so freaking trivial.
I could never tell them what it was about. I hate
myself for getting so hype just for such a simple thing.
And this happened when I’m writing this calm-mature
song about reaching this final stage of moving on. I got the lyrics ready, even
got the melody set for the chorus. Seriously, what to do now?
I’m going to avoid instagram for the time being,
it’s no good for my heart. This is not even a new thing. Let time just settle
everything. Honestly I don’t even know what to feel. I just don’t care anymore.
What’s more mortifying, the person himself has no
idea that he could cause a storm in someone else’s heart just by one single
freaking 'like'.
Darn it. I hate you, me.
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