Image Source: Rainy night road by trist521 on DeviantArt

It's almost midnight and it's raining. 

I could hear my mother's groans now and then, the discomfort she gets after dialysis. It's getting worse I bet. She barely could sleep peacefully for months now. 

I'm counting days now. Not a single day without feeling helpless yet grateful for the days granted living like this. For the moments. For a complete family. For me wanting to die early.

I hate how the biting cold of the night always make me so vulnerable.

I hate how I always have this excessive feelings. When you felt too much, yet so little that it's not enough.

Why am I even here?

It's almost midnight and it's raining. 

Am I allowed to make prayers when I flaunt misdeeds here and there?

Am I allowed to heal when I hurt another in the process?

It's almost midnight and it's raining. 

I just want to rest. Just to close my eyes and hide in dream. 

I don't have to be me there.