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| Intermezzo (Image Source: https://www.mindful.org/mindful-cup-tea) |
Okay, here I go, Random Talk Part II. So I made this intermezzo for like one out of 10 notes, and since I'm on my way to 20, so I'm gonna use this one chance to just talk about some random things which might not be useful at all. But then again since when that my postings were useful?
Anyway, I kinda lack 2 post so far, so I'm gonna finish them all while I'm doing this post. You got it? I don't. God, what the hell am I writing right now. So you see, I have this habit of talking while writing/typing things, so it's just kinda funny because it's like I'm talking to myself. It's just crazy. I'm nuts.
And I got another block, lol.
So I guess that I'm not the only one who's this timid, and awkward, and just... what again the similar word to describe this personality? apprehensive? well something along that line, so whenever I encounter someone just like like me, I was like, "Hello my fella, let me give you some hug. Oh but there's a wall. A great wall of China. Never mind. You could keep your wall, and I'll keep mine, but we still could be wall-buddy." Like what the hell am I even talking about?
Talking about wall, I always put some barriers with people which height and thickness differed depending on the people. You see, I trust nobody, not even myself. But then again there's a catch how to see who you definitely could not trust at all. If a person gossips her friends behind her back, then she surely can't be trusted. Because she'll surely talk about you behind your back. I put a great wall of China for this kind of people. So when I found out my best friend told some people the story I told her to tell no soul, I also put this great wall of China for her. I don't discriminate. But she's still my best friend.
To begin with, I have trust issue and it's not like I expect people to be trustworthy. So that's how I'd rather not talking about how I feel (though I do share them on social media, but then again I have no friends there, so doesn't matter, right?) or my secrets. I can take care of them myself. I'll even drag them to my grave.
Beside wall, I also have this narrow comfort zone, where I allow no soul to step into. I don't like people touching me and I found hugging uncomfortable even between the same gender. There's one time that I feel like murdering someone because he crossed my great wall and my comfort zone and I was wondering whether I could report him to the police. And they said Hanna from 13 Reasons Why was overreacting.
I guess I had a horrible luck that day. I got home rather late since I had a job to finish, so I wasn't as picky as I used to be when I had to ride Angkot (there is a certain Angkot which I avoid, at all cost), and It was already crowded, so crowded that I had to put my foot on the footing entrance until I got to my final stop (I don't know how to say it in English, basically it was something you step on in order to get into the Angkot). But that's not the problem, I already put my earphones and set the music on, and as long as I didn't make contact with anyone I would be fine. The problem was when I arrived at my destination.
So there was this certain guy, sitting on the front, next to the driver and I just handed the money to the driver and he was the one who took it. Well, it's not a problem, he's just helping, and it was a common thing so I don't even mind it. He then asked me some question which I answered with just "What? sorry, I can't hear you, I've put my earphone on" or something like that, and he was then handed me the changes which I took carefully since I didn't want to have a skin contact with him. And you know what? When I just finally got the money that damn trash deliberately touched my hand while grinning nastily. He definitely knew that I carefully took the money so I didn't have to have a skin contact with him, and he just discredited my efforts and just touched my hand.
I hope his hand rots in this life time.
I was just so dumbfounded that I cursed wtf out loud. I don't usually curse, especially using that kind of curse. But I was so angry and I am still angry. I am a Muslim (and I bet he is also Muslim) and I wear Hijab as well and why did he think that I wear Hijab at all? Did he think that just because I'm ugly he could just touch my hand and I wouldn't be angry? or did I look that easy?
Despite religion stuff, you just SHOULD NOT TOUCH people without their permission, especially when you are already aware that they don't want to be touched. Doing the otherwise is a crime. I seriously hope that trash's hand rots in this life time. I hold a grudge well.
And I just wasted my random talk for that kind of trash.
Well, I can't help it, I just really hate that stuff the most.
You see, I can't stand male creatures at all. It took me years just to get along with my male friends, and they were my classmates. I don't feel comfortable around them, so I mostly ignore them, which made me somewhat rude. But I have my own reason. And I don't want to explain it to anyone, since it's not like I want them to understand anyway. It's just like that I guess. I wonder whether I could marry someone at all in the end. lol.
And I guess that would be the end of my random talk. I'm sorry that I used some mean and bad words here and somewhat got enraged, but I feel like I have to write something about this bad luck, so may be I could feel better and could just let it go. Anyway thank you for reading this.
And you know what? You are my favorite people.
Talking about wall, I always put some barriers with people which height and thickness differed depending on the people. You see, I trust nobody, not even myself. But then again there's a catch how to see who you definitely could not trust at all. If a person gossips her friends behind her back, then she surely can't be trusted. Because she'll surely talk about you behind your back. I put a great wall of China for this kind of people. So when I found out my best friend told some people the story I told her to tell no soul, I also put this great wall of China for her. I don't discriminate. But she's still my best friend.
To begin with, I have trust issue and it's not like I expect people to be trustworthy. So that's how I'd rather not talking about how I feel (though I do share them on social media, but then again I have no friends there, so doesn't matter, right?) or my secrets. I can take care of them myself. I'll even drag them to my grave.
Beside wall, I also have this narrow comfort zone, where I allow no soul to step into. I don't like people touching me and I found hugging uncomfortable even between the same gender. There's one time that I feel like murdering someone because he crossed my great wall and my comfort zone and I was wondering whether I could report him to the police. And they said Hanna from 13 Reasons Why was overreacting.
I guess I had a horrible luck that day. I got home rather late since I had a job to finish, so I wasn't as picky as I used to be when I had to ride Angkot (there is a certain Angkot which I avoid, at all cost), and It was already crowded, so crowded that I had to put my foot on the footing entrance until I got to my final stop (I don't know how to say it in English, basically it was something you step on in order to get into the Angkot). But that's not the problem, I already put my earphones and set the music on, and as long as I didn't make contact with anyone I would be fine. The problem was when I arrived at my destination.
So there was this certain guy, sitting on the front, next to the driver and I just handed the money to the driver and he was the one who took it. Well, it's not a problem, he's just helping, and it was a common thing so I don't even mind it. He then asked me some question which I answered with just "What? sorry, I can't hear you, I've put my earphone on" or something like that, and he was then handed me the changes which I took carefully since I didn't want to have a skin contact with him. And you know what? When I just finally got the money that damn trash deliberately touched my hand while grinning nastily. He definitely knew that I carefully took the money so I didn't have to have a skin contact with him, and he just discredited my efforts and just touched my hand.
I hope his hand rots in this life time.
I was just so dumbfounded that I cursed wtf out loud. I don't usually curse, especially using that kind of curse. But I was so angry and I am still angry. I am a Muslim (and I bet he is also Muslim) and I wear Hijab as well and why did he think that I wear Hijab at all? Did he think that just because I'm ugly he could just touch my hand and I wouldn't be angry? or did I look that easy?
Despite religion stuff, you just SHOULD NOT TOUCH people without their permission, especially when you are already aware that they don't want to be touched. Doing the otherwise is a crime. I seriously hope that trash's hand rots in this life time. I hold a grudge well.
And I just wasted my random talk for that kind of trash.
Well, I can't help it, I just really hate that stuff the most.
You see, I can't stand male creatures at all. It took me years just to get along with my male friends, and they were my classmates. I don't feel comfortable around them, so I mostly ignore them, which made me somewhat rude. But I have my own reason. And I don't want to explain it to anyone, since it's not like I want them to understand anyway. It's just like that I guess. I wonder whether I could marry someone at all in the end. lol.
And I guess that would be the end of my random talk. I'm sorry that I used some mean and bad words here and somewhat got enraged, but I feel like I have to write something about this bad luck, so may be I could feel better and could just let it go. Anyway thank you for reading this.
And you know what? You are my favorite people.
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