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| Intermezzo (Image Source: https://www.mindful.org/mindful-cup-tea) |
I've just fulfilled the quota for my daily posting; 16 days and 16 posts. So from now on I don't have to post 2 or 3 posts and just have to post 1 post a day.
It was a little achievement may be. But for someone like me who could barely stick to a plan, it was such a huge improvement. It has been 16 days. So far, writing things like this have been fun and it is something that I look forward to lately. I wonder if I could keep up to the end though.
I don't have any expectation from this blog. Blogging was something I decided on a whim but taken seriously later on. I've been shutting myself away from people for quite some time. I was the type who would just post anything every single minutes, but then I realized that those things didn't matter anymore, like anyone cares anyway. In the end I became too feed up and just stopped.
Then I shut my social media account I used daily one by one, from facebook, instagram, and twitter. I was depressed for sure at that time. I tent to get so negative that it showed on my writings. So before things got awkward, I retreated from social circle. At least it was better than cutting or dyeing my hair like I did on the past.
Now, I've only used Istagram to post my ukulele cover and an instant messenger app like Whatsapp. I haven't contacted anyone so it's no big deal that no one contacted me either. Or so I thougth. Such cold-hearted fellows they were.
Like I'm one to talk.
Friendship just becomes cold as we get older. It was almost inevitable. Not that because we want to, it just happens to be like that. I believe that if you really truly want to meet someone, you'll go to him/her no matter what kind of obstacles you have to face on. If it's not, then your friends are just not that important to you, or you thought that your existence were not that important to them. You do know the feelings that whether you are there or not it doesn't change anything, right? If you feel that way then you are not being considerate like you thought you were, you are just only being considerate to your own feelings.
But I understand those feelings better. I was there, and am still there. I won't blame my anxiety like I used to. I know how it feels to think that you are worthless. I know so well how it feels to feel the uncertainty of someone might dislike you so you push yourself to please them. I know it so well that I decide to stop and do whatever the hell I want to do. I know it so well that it...
God, it becomes like this again. Dear me, get a hold of yourself, kay.
So the reason I decided to do blogging again is because I have no other places to express my 'uneg-uneg' and share the things that I like (I'll try to be as positive as I can be). And I don't expect people to check my blog at all, but if they do I'd be grateful. I know that not many people are into reading (especially reading this kind of absurd thing), so if you are one of my friend or someone I know and you are currently reading this, I want to say thank you very much. Your efforts of wanting to get to know me (it's not a crime to dream, right?) are noted. And you are forever my favorite people.
I also want to notice you about some of my projects like Ukulele Cover and 100 Songs. I'd probably update them on weekends since it is impossible for me to record them on work-days. As for Macrame Tutorials I'll try to post once a while since I'm gonna run out of idea if I post them on daily basis. I also want to start a new project; Poems, but that will happen after I do something with my earlier projects. I don't want to get lost on my own track.
And I guess this is the end of my 9th note. Thank you so much for reading my another nonsense. And I'm always in your care.
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