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| I was on the right, and the girl on the left is a beautiful little angel. I feel bad for using this pict. But this is the only decent pict of myself that I could find. |
Actually I have a lot of trouble to continue posting things
in this blog. I’ve been trying to work out some topics for days but they
ended up rather gloomy so I kinda postpone posting them for the time
being. I intended this blog to be a positive
outbreak for me, like a breakthrough of spring may be, since my last blog was
rather dark and depressing. God, those dark moments.
And this is a story about me coming to term with my ugliness.
I was used to have no confidence with my own outer
appearance. Like I said I was nowhere near the word beautiful (in other
word ugly), while I was surrounded by pretty beings (friends, cousins,
classmates). There was a time when people compared them to me,
and I was rather disheartened, but in the end my rationality did win (Well done
rationality). Because I know that they were not just pretty on the outside, but
also pretty…. tolerable in the inside. They are just nice people with quirkiness
and flaws, like pretty normal human beings.
The funny thing is even though I was living in an environment
where people were claimed to be beautiful if they had fairer skin, I was never
thought that I was ugly because of my dark skin. I wonder why. May be because when I was a kid I found a classmate of mine to be a quite beauty even though she has a darker skin compared to the rest of us. It was like, beautiful people, no matter what kind
of skin they had, if they were beautiful then they were beautiful. End of discussion.
So why did I think that I was ugly?
I was just ugly, that’s all. And by the way I’m still talking
about the outer appearance.
What about now?
I am ugly. While I used to think that I was ugly, I still
think that I am rather ugly, especially in the inside. It just that at some
point I simply stop caring about them all together. Like so what if I’m ugly? My
inside was even more uglier.
What I want to say is it’s true that people tend to judge
others by their outer appearances. I don’t know about you, but I did, until I started questioning what things exactly defined someone. Their skins?
Outer appearances? Fashion? Religions? Personality? General taste? No. Nothing finite
could define someone. After all they were just superficial things which we
forced on others in order to decide the value of oneself, like we have the right
to do so.
Because in the end we judge others based on our own
standards. And unfortunately everybody has their own standards. We don’t have
necessary to follow each other standards, right?
So how do we cope with our ugliness?
Accept them. When you just accept them or just stop caring
about them all together you’ll realize it doesn’t matter what people
think of you. What you think of yourself is what matters. I do still think that
I’m ugly, but I know that beyond my ugliness there are something more that I
could offer. And I could not be defined by my ugliness.
That was pretty arrogant statement duh, but whatever.
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